Ghosts, and Famous People

Hello again friends,

I am in all-out writer-mode right now, trying to write and right my writerly and rightful fortunes in this world.  Trying desperately to find and tell the story that is mine, so I can share it, so I can get some stories in return, and maybe learn something about Life and Death and the Human Condition.

Or something like that...

So, I was going through some things I have written in the past. (Cheating the system, I know, I know.)

I've been thinking a lot about Life and Death lately.
For numerous reasons.

These are the two forces that surround us, constantly.
There is always at least a duality.

There are probably many more than two forces in play, at any given time,
but it is comforting, for our simple mortal minds, to break things down
Into TWOs.

Night and Day
Light and Darkness
Happy and Sad
Water and Fire
Earth and Air
Body and Spirit
Heart and Mind
Good and Bad
Us and Them
You and Me
Him and Her
This or That
Alive or Dead

etc. etc.

I don't pretend to understand any of this.
I just attempt to nod to it. To acknowledge these notions.
To examine them closer.


Someone told me, not long ago, I think on an airplane to somewhere...
But who can keep track?
That Human Behavior is Motivated by 2 Forces:

Pleasure
and
Fear.

Luckily for me, I was apparently born with a deficiency in my ability to experience or appropriately respond to danger, and the situations that for most people tend to induce fear.

Or perhaps I was not born that way. Maybe that's the part of my head I hit when I was diving out of my high chair as an infant...But that doesn't really explain why I did that in the first place...

I guess I just wanted to see if I could fly!

So, I try to live a life primarily motivated by Pleasure. I am a true, good-old-fashioned hedonist.

I get away with whatever I can so that I can play more often than I have to work...

And I wouldn't have it any other way!


I'm pretty sure most of that was a digression. I set out to share a letter I wrote to Philip Seymour Hoffman, probably in April, a couple of months before he died.  I never mailed it to him, and I was to regret that lack of action when I got the sad news.  Not that I delude myself to think it would have mattered or made a difference, but it is absolutely my belief that it is essential to express love and gratitude and respect for others as often as possible, proactively, because they can't hear you (as far as I know) at their funeral.

I failed this time. Luckily, I guess, PSH and I weren't actually close, personal friends or relatives. So the regret isn't going to weigh me down too heavily. But I still think I'll feel better if I share my words about his talent, and the ways I respected and admired him.  So here you are!

Dear Philip Seymour-Hoffman,

I am writing to tell you that I just watched a recent film of yours, Max and Mary.  It is one of the best pieces of film I have seen in a long time, and I wanted to tell you that I admire you.  I guess you must be very smart and discerning, as well as unreasonably talented as an actor, because I only ever see you acting like a badass in films that seem worthwhile somehow.

This impresses me as an aspiring actor, writer, director and creative person.  I would like one day to have all the things you have, but I must also accept that I may never.  I hope that you are happy with all that you have achieved, and the life you are living.  I hope you don’t feel too put upon by crazy adoring fans (such as myself), and that you are as decent and kind as I like to think you are.

It’s nice to have heroes to look up to, but I am not so naïve as to still believe there are people in the world who are purely good.  All humans are flawed and imperfect, but that’s part of what makes them interesting.  Still, many people are good enough in enough ways to merit admiration and gratitude, and that has always been enough to keep me coming back for more.

I must admit I was a bit disillusioned when I met Kevin Spacey, briefly, after seeing him in a performance of Moon for the Misbegotten in New York, and he was rather surly, grouchy and rude with the public.  Perhaps he was just having an off day, or the performance really took it out of him, but I’ve heard confirmations from friends of friends who served him at Starbucks or someplace that he’s not the nicest guy, and I found that disappointing, because I have always really admired him as an actor. I still do, but I now also kind of hold it against him that he isn’t nice too.

I met John Lithgow once after a different performance in New York.  (I go there often, as my mother grew up on Long Island, and my grandparents have always had a home there, since the beginning of recorded time, at which point they resided in other boroughs, mostly Brooklyn and Queens, where my grandmother was, in her extreme youth, next door neighbors with Theodore Roosevelt.

Mr. Lithgow was pleasant, patient and kind, but clearly a lifelong smoker. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I try not to judge…but it’s never been a habit that made much sense to me.)  I think he’s pretty happy with how he handles his life, for the most part.

I was once in a film with you and Paul Newman.  Empire Falls.  I grew up in Maine, so I was able to come out to Waterville to film some of the high school art class scenes as a “featured extra” while I was myself a sophomore in high school.  Do you remember making that film? What did you think of Maine? The experience? The finished product? I loved the book before the movie was made, and I enjoyed being a part of it. I think it’s very faithful to the book, and a good piece of work, not to mention over-loaded with great actors. :)

Did you enjoy working with Laura Linney in that other movie? I forget the name.  She came and spoke at Brown while I was an undergrad there a few years ago, and she seemed genuinely lovely. She’s one of my favorite actresses.  I also love Meryl Streep. Duh, who doesn’t, right?  Do you have a favorite actor or actress to work with?  Director? If so, why?  Are there any dream roles you haven’t gotten to play yet?  Do you think you will keep acting for the rest of your life? Do you love doing it?  Are there other things you love doing just as much?

Forgive me if these questions seem impertinent, or as if I am prying.  I don’t really expect you to answer this letter.  I expect, if I decide to send it at all, or if I was able to find an address to mail it to, it would probably be screened by an agent or personal assistant or somebody like that.  But if it does get to you, and it catches your interest, I would love to hear back, in whatever form you like.  

I’m sad that there doesn’t seem to be that much great writing making it to the top, making it to the public or past the hot shot executives in LA and Hollywood.  I’m especially sad that there don’t seem to be that many great parts written for women, or that I feel particularly drawn to as the particularly-me kind of person that I am.  I hope to remedy that one day, whether or not I end up trying to press on as a “professional actor,” whatever that may mean.

One of my favorite things you have given me (in a way) is in the movie Capote, when Truman’s lover kept talking about going to Spain to write. One of my lovers and I once picked up on that, and I went to Spain to write a few years ago, and it was very fruitful, and idyllic, poetic and beautiful.  I hope to go back and do that again sometime soon.

Another is that awesome devil-may-care character you play in Pirate Radio. That movie is pretty silly, and occasionally quite crude, but I also found it touching and uplifting and entertaining, and your character is a BAMF (bad-ass mother-flipper, in case you’re unfamiliar with that term. But I imagine you’re probably hep to the lingo nowadays.) 

Take care, do good work, keep in touch (if you like),

Shana  Tinkle